Part 5 of 57

It'll make sense later

Ghost protractors

I got em. I got em, you want em?

Paradise.

Cinema Paradiso

Ramble on

John Bonser was sitting at a bar. He ordered a cocktail and he had nothing on his feet. The bar tender brought over a cocktail and a pair of sneakers. John Bonser thanked the bar tender and gave him a couple extra euros.

"Thanks" the bar tender said.

"No...thank you." John Bonser said as he slammed his face into the bar, breaking his nose in the process. Blood splattered everywhere. It was a strange scene. The bar tender did not care. He grabbed a rag and started cleaning up te blood. He did a half-ass job as you might imagine. After he threw the bloody rag at the cook in the back, he came back with a bottle of Bud and a shot of Vat 69.

"Shit, Bobby, I got no more euros" John Bonser told the bar tender.

"That's ok, it's on me." Bobby said. Bobby leaned over and kissed John Bonser on his forehead. As he pulled away, he whispered into John Bonser's ear. John Bonser threw his bottle of Bud at the mirror above the bar. Glass smashed, and other patrons started to shuffle out of the bar. John Bonser threw back the shot, and got off his bar stool. He took his credit card, went to the juke box and ordered 20 songs with his Visa. Actually, he ordered two songs, and played them each ten times. The first song was "Wild Horses" by the Rolling Stones. Halfway through the first playing of the song, John Bonser took his foot and shoved it up the juke box's ass. The song stopped playing. John Bonser went back to his bar stool and Bobby brought over a beer and a shot. Bobby leaned over again and kissed John Bonser on the lips, and they made out for a little bit.

They were interrupted by a voice at the end of the bar. The voice said, "YOU TWO CUT THAT SHIT OUT". The voice belonged to Mary Scoobadoodab-dadoodab. Historians estimate that Mary was 125 years old. She claimed to be 81. No one can be completely sure which is closer to the truth. Does her age really matter? Not at all. Mary had but a few minutes left on this cold, cold earth.

Mary Scoobadoodab-dadoodab approached Bobby and John Bonser, armed with nothing more than her rickety walker and homophobia. John Bonser was furious about the interruption of the sweet embrace, and more importantly possibly getting his free booze cut off, hopped off his bar stool and was about to punch ol' Mary Scoobadoodab-dadoodap in her throat WHEEEEEEEN the children made their way into the bar. The children walked into the bar in a single file line. They were all carrying laptops, and all the laptops were connected to each other by blue and red cables.

"We are migrant, we are migrant workers" the children sang as they surrounded Mary Whateverthefuckisaid. Mary panicked and tried to break out of the migrant worker/laptop circle of despair, when the ceiling of the bar opened up. A gigantic TI-83 Scientific Calculator fell from the heavens and landed directly on Mary. Mary's head severed from her body and the tallest of the migrant worker children collected the head and placed it in a Louis Vuitton bag. He then lead the other child migrant workers out of the bar. They walked in a single file line and they chanted early 90s gangster rap.

John Bonser, shrugging at the spectacle, reached for a crusty ashtray, and poured its contents down the front of his pants. John Bonser then headed towards the bar's elevator...

That's when I woke up. I was tied to a bed. 1987 was there.

"How was your sleep, John?" 1987 asked

"It waaaaaas sssstraaange" I replied

"Were there any children with laptops in the dream?"

"Yeahh. Howw'd yoo knnow?" I stammered

"Shit, John. We got some fucking problems." 1987 shouted.