The guy on the train

I think the guy who sat next to me on the train slept in a carton of cigarettes with 3 unlit cigarettes in his mouth. He sat down and the train ride went from whatever bad to sort of bad. He was rather obese and he had a pretty funky leather jacket and a brief case that was a different type of leather. They also reeked of cigarettes. The train kept going and I adjusted to my now dangerous environment and went back to reading my book when all of a sudden the guy stands up and starts humping the seat in front of us. I'm not positive he was actually humping the seat but I don't know how else to describe what he was doing. The train is between stops, moving at it's mild speed, when the guy stands up and starts rubbing the back of the seat in front of us with his entire body. The seat in front rocks a little bit, then a whole lot and the two guys in the seat look around, confused and annoyed, when the guy starts to apologize. I had no idea what to think, initially I thought he tried standing up to switch seats...lost his balance...but he stayed there way too long and after the dry hump, he just sat back down next to me as if nothing had happened. I looked at him, and I had about 3 million (or maybe just one thought) thoughts racing through my head and I was about to freak out on him, but instead I stuck out my hand and offered him a Parliament.